The IVF treatment process is a stressful and difficult journey. However, if experienced in a healthy way, it can also become an exciting adventure that brings couples closer together. Before starting this process, it is healthiest for both partners to make a joint decision about wanting a child. During this stressful and difficult period, feelings of guilt, power struggles, arguments about who is right or wrong, the heavy burden of social expectations, and emotions that cannot be managed may make the process even harder.
Before making this important decision that will become a turning point in their lives, couples should ask themselves: “Why do I want a child?” Sometimes the answers may be unhealthy, such as “to cure my loneliness,” “to become my best friend,” or “to save my troubled marriage.” In these cases, too much meaning is placed on the child. It should be remembered that the child who will come into the world is already an individual with unique characteristics, even in the womb. A child will not come into the world to eliminate loneliness or save a failing marriage.
It is essential that both partners make a common decision before starting IVF treatment. If one partner is positive about the process but the other is undecided or unwilling, this issue must first be resolved. If the couple has difficulty solving it on their own, they should definitely seek support from a psychologist.
The support of the husband or male partner has a very positive effect on the woman during this process. Going to the hospital together, making a pleasant plan after the appointment, giving small surprises from time to time, honoring and supporting the partner, and avoiding discussions about unresolved painful memories from the past are among the things the male partner can do.
Detailed internet research and reading blog posts about unsuccessful treatments are among the things to avoid during the treatment process. The healthiest approach is to write down your questions in advance and ask your doctor, or request recommendations for articles or books related to your own situation.
Expectations can create tension and stress and may even lead to depression. Before starting IVF treatment, couples should decide together which people can support them during the process and share the situation only with those people. At the same time, these people should be asked not to inquire about the process unless the couple themselves wishes to talk about it. Every question can create pressure and increase stress.
During treatment, couples should avoid discussing unresolved issues from the past and temporarily “put them in the freezer.” Unless the current situation changes, constantly revisiting the past only creates stagnation and drains the relationship’s energy.
Couples should increase positive behaviors toward each other during this period. Making plans together, giving small surprise gifts, and saying positive and supportive things about one another, both in private and in front of others, are examples of this.
Sexuality is one of the largest pieces of the relationship. Before a relationship ends, sexuality often ends first. Therefore, when sexuality is experienced only for the purpose of having a child, this important sharing turns into a duty, and unhappiness may begin. During sexual intimacy, a hormone called oxytocin is released. This is one of the hormones involved in childbirth, but it also strengthens the bond between partners. Therefore, couples should not experience sexuality only for the sake of having a child. Both partners should be able to initiate intimacy, foreplay should not be rushed, and if there are sexual problems, the couple should discuss them together and, if necessary, share them with their doctor.
Before or after IVF treatment, couples may forget themselves. Individual activities, pleasant conversations with enjoyable friends, and spending time on personal interests have a very positive effect on the process and help maintain motivation.
Giving too much meaning to having a child can disconnect a person from daily life and increase stress. Instead of saying, “When we have a child, our life will completely change,” it is healthier to say, “If we have a child, they will become part of our world.” A world built entirely around a child harms both the parents and the child. It may lead to raising a child who has difficulty with limits, struggles with peers, lacks self-confidence, and constantly experiences growing pains, while the parent builds their entire life around that child.
Being mentally prepared before beginning treatment is the primary requirement. Great expectations often lead to great disappointment and loss, which may cause depression. Since IVF treatment will create both financial and emotional changes in your life, it is important to begin the process knowing that the treatment may fail, may not succeed immediately, or may never work at all. This helps prevent unrealistically high expectations and keeps stress at a lower level.
IVF treatment is a very effective method for couples who cannot have children. However, this treatment process is never a miracle. It is teamwork carried out together by you as a supportive couple, your doctor, your embryologist, and your psychologist.